Season 7, Episode 8, “Another Opening, Another No Show”

Pre-Credits Gag:  The twins crawl all over Jesse while he tries to finish up the accounting for his new club.  As he plugs in the last of the numbers, he discovers that they’re wildly inaccurate and then, instead of just assuming he fucked up the numbers just like he fucks up everything else, he looks inside the calculator and discovers that the twins have filled it with Play-Doh.  I don’t know why that would cause miscalculations rather than just totally prevent the calculator from working at all.  Seriously, that makes zero sense. It just doesn’t add up.  Oh!  See what I did there?  No, but really though, that’s fucking bullshit.

Danny comes into the living room acting all jittery because he’s responsible for the Smash Club’s coffee supply and has been abusing it.  It almost seems like this might be the makings for a very special episode.  This show’s definitely lame enough to do an episode about coffee abuse.  Jesse grabs Danny to keep him from shaking and then Joey walks in on them in a suggestive pose, which is the kind of homoerotic mishap that we used to see all the time on this show back when it was just remarkably terrible instead of unbelievably terrible.

Joey tells Jesse that he was able to book R.E.M. for the Smash Club’s opening night and Jesse is overjoyed.  Then Joey says that Jesse’s hair smells like melon.  I’m not really sure why that happens.

Jesse unveils to his family the garish monstrosity that is the new Smash Club.  It’s even got a disco ball, just to make it extra tacky and awful.

The girls start fucking with the stage equipment and then Danny starts futzing around with the coffee maker and Jesse gets all uptight about it.  DJ and Kimmie Gibbler display their waitress uniforms and Jesse immediately starts criticizing the modifications that Kimmie Gibbler’s made to hers.  Wait, so how are we supposed to understand that her uniform looks bad but the club doesn’t?  There’s never been any means of qualifying aesthetics on this show whatsoever.

Jesse gets all pissed off at everybody for fucking around and then, to top it off, Joey comes in and explains that instead of R.E.M. he booked the Del Rubio Triplets.  They’re not playing themselves, but rather performers named Renee, Esther and Martha, hence Joey assuming that they were “R.E.M.”  Yeah, even after it’s explained it still makes no sense.

Jesse yells at everyone some more for being gigantic fuck-ups and then he goes into the storage closet to get some napkins.  While he’s in there he finds Kimmie Gibbler hiding out and then, as they head back out to the club, the handle to the door comes off, trapping them.

Danny frantically taps the counter to work out his nervous coffee energy as Becky does a remarkably inefficient job of filling the salt containers.  Seriously, she’s doing it like she’s 5-years old.

Stephanie and DJ tell Danny and Becky that they can’t find Jesse after looking everywhere, except for the storage closet, which is one of the few places that it would make sense to check.  Danny continues to struggle with the coffee maker and I didn’t really realize until now that he’s doing this because it’s actually his job to serve the coffee.  You know what would make this opening go a lot better?  If Jesse hired some actual employees.  What, are the people who live in the full house supposed to come to this club every night and do bullshit jobs now?  Danny hosts a morning show and supports like 15 people and now he has to work nights as a barista, too?  That wouldn’t even make sense if he seemed qualified for the job. No wonder this whole opening is such an unmitigated disaster.  Jesse can’t even do one job well, and now he’s trying to do the work of like 20 people.  Anyway, Becky starts to tell DJ to set all the tables and then they realize that Kimmie Gibbler is also missing. If only they went into the storage room to get the stuff to set the tables, all of these problems would be solved so quickly.  Instead they get sidetracked by a large group of Steve’s college buddies filling up the club while chanting “R.E.M!”

Kimmie Gibbler calls being stuck in the storage room with Jesse a “crazy twist of fate” and he interprets it as her making a pass at him but then she’s like, “get real, sucka, I wouldn’t fuck you with Joey’s dick.”  Awkward!  Jesse continues to complain about how badly everything’s going and what a shitty job everyone’s doing and Kimmie Gibbler points out that he’s the one that’s fucking everything up, plus he’s being a real dick while he does it.

Joey tries to warm up the crowd with stand-up and then when nobody laughs he walks to the side of the stage and asks Steve what the problem is, which is something that lots of stand-up comedians do when their set isn’t going well, I’m sure. Steve explains that all of his friends are foreign exchange students who don’t speak english, as if we needed an explanation as to why nobody was laughing at Joey’s jokes.

DJ runs around and tells all the customers that the coffee they’ve ordered is on it’s way and then she’s accosted by Ben Stein, who’s playing a food critic named Elliot who writes a column called, “Eating Out with Elliot” for the local newspaper  I seem to remember a column in Hustler with that same name, and it sure wasn’t about food.  Also, check out Ben Stein’s amazing ponytail wig.

Becky comes over and Ben Stein tells her what a piece of shit the club is so she starts yelling at him until DJ tells her who he is, at which point she tries to pretend that her angry tirade was a performance piece.  Pretty smooth.

Everyone considers closing the club because everything is going so poorly but then Becky gives an inspiring speech about her high school volleyball coach and the resulting upswing in morale inexplicably causes the coffee machine to start working.

Kimmie Gibbler tells Jesse that it really hurt her feelings when he said that her outfit looked like the inside of a dogs asshole and then the audience goes “aww.”  The music comes on as Jesse realizes that he’s been being a real prick and that nobody had a good time as a result.  So I guess the lesson isn’t about being prepared or working hard or doing your job well, it’s just about being nice to people, even if they’re doing a really shitty job.  If that’s not the lesson, I don’t know what is.  I’m really grabbing at straws here.  But what’s important is that the music is on, so whatever the problem was, it’s fixed now.  Jesse finds an air conditioning vent in the ceiling and decides to climb up into it.  Maybe that’s the message that the music brought us:  “If you’re ever trapped in a storage closet, climb through the air conditioning vent.”  Aww.

The girls bring Ben Stein his coffee and he seems to really like it.  The horde of foreign exchange students continues to chant, “R.E.M!,” so the Del Rubio Triplets come out and start performing and then everyone’s like, “what the fuck?”

The audience starts booing so the triplets cue some unseen drum machine and start performing the DEVO song, “Whip It.”  For some reason this totally wins the audience over and they all get up and start dancing.  Even Ben Stein likes it.

No, really though, what the fuck?  This might be the most nonsensical occurrence in the entire series.  Don’t get me wrong, I like 80’s New Wave more than most people, but even still, I am at a complete and utter loss here.  Why does a cover of a DEVO song appease the crowd?  If they were performing an R.E.M. song it might kind of make sense…  were we not supposed to know the difference?

Jesse descends onto the crowd atop the disco ball and everyone applauds and congratulates him on doing such a great job, including Ben Stein, and then Jesse falls onto an older woman who kisses him on the mouth.  Ok, seriously, that’s gotta be the most baffling 2 minutes of television ever made.  I’m not even angry this time, just totally mystified.

Back at the full house, Jesse tells everyone that he just had the greatest night of his life and then the music comes on again as he apologizes for being such an asshole, then he hugs Kimmie Gibbler.

104 thoughts on “Season 7, Episode 8, “Another Opening, Another No Show”

        • Look up the movie Expelled. He is a creationist and made a terrible movie about how creationist are shunned from academic society. To portray this he quote mined, lied, took things out of context, and generally just made stuff up. You know, normal creationist behavior.

          • I saw the Duggar clan visit a Creationist museum and I have a problem with them declaring that man and dinosaur existed at the same time because the meat eaters would eat us! The one question many religious figures get asked is if Adam, Eve, Cain, Abel, and Seth were the only humans on earth, who did Cain marry? They wonder if he married his sister and that would be gross! Eve was the second lady in Adam’s life because the first lady named Lilith wanted to be his equal and Adam told her no and now she is a demon!

          • Many churches believe that the Bible and science go together and that evolution and Creationism can co-exist. Jim-Bob Duggar was almost to the point of telling his kids that scientists planted dinosaur bones like Phoebe did on “Friends” and he totally disregarded carbon dating in rocks and he probably won’t mention counting tree rings to find the age of trees. I guess in the case of Jim-Bob Duggar and Ben Stein, William Golding who wrote “Lord of the Flies” is right, women are superior to men and I am using those two guys as an example and I am not implying that all men are dumb or something!

          • As a Christian and a scientist, let me say that it’s definitely possible, and makes the most sense on an evidentiary basis, to believe in both. As for who Cain married, Adam and Eve were the FIRST people God created, not the ONLY people God created. It says very clearly in the Bible that after Cain killed his brother, he moved to another city. For it to be a city, there had to have been other people in it.

  1. Okay, I need to learn to not read this blog late at night, because with lines like this…

    “get real, sucka, I wouldn’t fuck you with Joey’s dick.”

    …as well as the whole “eating out” and storage closet/air conditioner bit, I’m trying really hard to avoid waking others with my laughter right now. Also, your rant about how Jesse should hire actual employees instead of his poor family was excellent.

    Dear god, I totally remember this episode. My sister and I used to go around saying, “I said, ‘whip it! Whip it gooooood!'” the way these ladies did all the time when we were kids (and you’re right, that whole storyline just does not make one lick of sense whatsoever).

    Completely forgot about how the club looked, though-dear god, that is one hellishly garish-looking place. Very “of its time period”, for sure.

    • The decor at the Smash Club makes The Max look like a quiet eco-spa nestled in the foothills of a grassy mountain in Tibet.

      • Wow, that was unbelievably bad… the women were already singing as they walked out (usually you wait til you’re at the mics and introduced before you start singing…), they sang some weird song that didn’t sound like it had any structure or melody, and then yeah… random drum sample?? Best part, though, is how that terrible, random cover caused everyone to get up AT ONCE to thrash about like idiots!

        • Wow. It’s exactly what you’d expect: Three garishly dressed elderly women trying to sing “Whip It”. They’re not even singing really. It’s like karaoke night at the old folks home.

  2. Wow, Steve’s popularity must’ve tanked since high school! I would’ve expected all of the friends he was bringing to be fraternity brothers or athletes or something, but the foreign exchange club? DJ has made his stock plummet, I guess…

    • Doesn’t Steve go to community college? That’s a weird place to have an exchange program.

      As a kid, for the longest time I thought Whip It was an REM song, that this was the punchline of the joke that old ladies still covered REM so the crazy foreigners didn’t know the difference. Of course, just because you don’t know English doesn’t mean you can’t tell the difference between REM and the Del Rubio Sisters.

      • Penny, I read about the DelRubio triplets and they took on the DelRubio last name when they dyed their hair blond because the Spanish word for blond is Rubio. My mom thought of rubies when I was studying Spanish and Rubio came up. Maybe they should have called themselves DelRubia because rubia has to do with blond women and Rubio is blond men. The Devo song “Whip It” was one of the DelRubio’s hits.

      • my community college had tons of exchange students. it was to the point that in most classes the foreign student to native student ratio was probably like 3-to-1. whereas my 4 year university had so few exchange students and so so so many average joe type white students that i felt swamped in a sea of white bread.

    • Joey, on the other hand, I’m not surprised. Does Joey even have any frame of pop culture reference that doesn’t involve shitty Looney Tunes impressions?

    • He probably is friends with the popular crowd, but knew he wouldn’t be any longer if the brought them to the Smash Club. He probably promised DJ he would bring some friends, then invited the foreign exchange kids who don’t speak English so they wouldn’t be able to tell anyone about the losers at the Smash Club.

  3. This episode was just on Nickelodeon the other day, and I can’t watch an episode without thinking “What Would Billy Superstar say about that?”. The Ben Stein ponytail wig, just awful.

    Also, the part where they serve Ben Stein his cappuccino and sticky bun, and Michelle says “With extra sticky!”, I’ve never wanted to punch her in the mouth more than that moment.

    • Yeah, Michelle seemed to have trouble with the word ridiculous in this episode too. As for Jesse, you hire help that would all have night club experience and if that includes a family member, that’s fine as well. That cappuccino the girls created for Elliot did not look ver well done and Danny was bouncing off the walls like someone on a bipolar high or like a group of sugar addicted 4 year olds!

      • That “cappuccino” was so not a cappuccino. It wasn’t even served in the correct cup, that was a single shot cup for espresso. At best you can fit two shots in there.

  4. This episode always bothered me because of what a complete, utter, unnecessary asshole Jesse is to Kimmy Gibbler. I bet the laugh track went nuts when he insulted her waitress uniform and condescendingly accused her of harboring a crush on him.

    What a jerk! Treating people like shit for no reason is NOT comedy! Not that anything on this show ever is.

    Does anyone else think that later-seasons Jesse is much less screwable than early-seasons Jesse, even though he’s only a few years older? I don’t know if it’s because they took away his edge or if it’s because his rude, slacker personality became more palpable.

    But seriously, Season 2 Uncle Jesse descending on top of a disco ball would have done something major for me. Now….ick.

    • To be fair, though, Kimmy HAS tried to put the moves on Jesse before. Remember the family BBQ/love letter episode?

      • Yes! That is a good point, Oh Mylanta.

        I guess I just feel that Jesse is a rude, egotistical asshat sometimes.

    • Well, when Jesse said to “Kimmy, grab the tush and push” when he needed a shove into the duct, she looked extremely pleased to accommodate him! I am surprised Billy didn’t mention that scene!

  5. How come Stephanie’s bangs change her appearance so drastically? Is it me or does she not even look like the same kid?

    • Lovetolaugh, I agree with you about Stephanie’s hair and on the website, “You Miss Your Old Familiar Friends” they mentioned her wearing braids and saying those did not help her awkward tween looks. The teen years were unkind to Stephanie and maybe Danny should have shelled out money for braces for Stephanie instead of spending money on 2 child ruining losers! Even Jodie Sweetin lamented in her book that she went from adorable to horrible! As for Kimmy, she just wanted to brighten up her uniform vest and I think all of us should sing rather slowly, “We Love Kimmy” as our own version of “Chicago” the musical’s “We Love Billy.”

      • I also agree about Stephanie’s bangs (which she grew back in the episode before this). She looked MUCH better with her headband (sans bangs) look she had throughout Season 6/early Season 7. When she grew her bangs back in, she looked waaaay too old for her age. Puberty was not kind to her. It definitely changed her look too much. Also, the aforementioned braids she wore in “The Last Dance” (her mourning braids) were a really bad look. She looked like a cowgirl.

        P.S. The “You miss your own familiar friends” blog is pretty damn funny too. ;)

    • I never thought Jodie Sweetin was that ugly in her teen years like a lot of people thought. I noticed her teeth, but other then that I didn’t think she was that bad. I always hear about how awkward she was though. I wouldn’t say she is as beautiful as Candice was, but she’s definitely not ugly.

  6. Surprised you didn’t add the bit at the end where Danny is still hopped up on caffeine and wants to play board games.

  7. As soon as I saw the screencap of Kimmy with her clown-tastic uniform, I knew that this was the episode where she got stuck in the storage closet with Jesse. This is one of the many “Full House” episodes that I’d like to forget.

  8. The Smash Club Reviewed.
    The San Francisco Mirror

    Last night marked the official reopening of the Smash Club. Too bad it didn’t stay closed. For those wondering what type of reboot local radio personality Jesse Katsopolis (one of the two Rush Hour Renegades) would provide for this landmark San Francisco club, they only need to listen to his radio show.

    Much like the radio show, it didn’t know who its audience was, the music was terrible and it featured far too much “comedy” from co-host Joey Gladstone.

    The Smash Club was once known for its devotion to rock and roll and a launching pad for aspiring musicians. The new Smash Club seems to be a devotion to Katsopolis’ ego. At one point in the night Katsopolis descended upon the crowd from a disco ball. And the club was staffed entirely by his family, including wife Rebecca Donaldson and brother-in-law Danny Tanner, hosts of the unwatchable Wake Up San Francisco.

    Those who weren’t distracted by the flamboyant aesthetics — the club looks like a radioactive parrot exploded — had to endure a performance by REM. No, not that REM, but geriatric triplets who share the same initials.

    The crowd, which consisted of some people rivaling the age of the performers, as well as a group of college foreign exchange students makes me wonder how long this club will stay open. Neither of those two groups figures to be around much longer.

    The only way to make a visit to the Smash Club bearable is with alcohol, which isn’t served there. Don’t go to the Smash Club.

    • Your review is funny! Another funny review I read was written by the late Rogert Ebert about the movie “North” with Elijah Wood and Bruce Willis. He doesn’t spare this movie any venom and he made it sound like this average movie was one of the seven Holocausts or something! I think the guy who gave the club to Jesse in his will probably didn’t have any kids because if he did, Jesse would be taken to court by the sons and daughters of the late owner.

        • Ebert was passionate about good movie making and he saw it as an art form like painting and sculpturing. He considered an attack against him when he had to see a bad movie. I can’t wait for Danny to call DJ and Stephanie “Siskel and Ebert.”. I think we all are passionate about how bad FH is!

    • Genius. Absolutely perfect.

      I liked the “radioactive parrot exploded” line. And the idea of a band like REM being referenced in a show like this will never not be entertaining.

      • Angela, can I just say that I love how you always compliment people’s posts and are always a nice, awesome poster? I love when that kind of vibe is at FHR :-)

        Agree, love the scathing review!

        • Oh, thank you, I appreciate that! I think a lot of people make some excellent jokes/points/comments here, so it’s worth pointing it out when that happens :).

          I agree, there’s a pretty nice, friendly vibe around here. That sort of thing tends to be rather rare on the internet, unfortunately, so it’s always great to find a place where people can be mature yet still have fun.

  9. I could only imagine what could’ve happened if Sonic Youth was the promised band, instead of R.E.M.

    I like both bands, by the way. I also like New Wave, so this episode pretty much
    made me feel ridiculously dumb.

  10. As you might imaging, considering I am wearing a Hustler shirt in my avatar pic, I loved this statement. Laughed out loud, in fact:

    “Ben Stein, who’s playing a food critic named Elliot who writes a column called, “Eating Out with Elliot” for the local newspaper I seem to remember a column in Hustler with that same name, and it sure wasn’t about food.”

    Like a lot of baffling things in this episode, it doesn’t make any sense that Jermsey would rag on Kimmie’s vest, as it pretty much perfectly matches The Smash Club’s decor.

    Speaking of the Smash Club’s decor, I hope Jesse is prepared to take another business loan real fast, because that place is going to need redecorating sooner than the so called R.E.M. performers are going to need their Metamucil!

    • Oh, and I wanted to mention, how the F did Jermsey “decend” from the disco ball? 1) It surely wasn’t hung such that it could support the extra weight of even Michelle, let along Jermsey, and 2) It surely wasn’t set up to be able to raise and lower in the first place, and 3) even if it does have the ability to raise and lower, considering nobody knew Jermsey was “in the closet” and he accessed the damn thing via a ceiling A/C vent, how is he controlling it from up there?

      • I’m totally reminded of his gig as “The Vulture”. This guy can’t seem to find his way down from anything.

  11. The napkins Jesse went to find said “Smush Club” instead of “Smash Club.” That and the old ladies singing “Whip It” were the only parts I remembered from this episode years later.

  12. Kimmy’s outfit MATCHES THE CLUB, for crying out loud!!! How can Jesse rip on her when his club looks like that?? He is a total dick to her… making fun of the weird kid…

    Also, I looked up those triplets, and their initials aren’t even REM. Their names are Eadie, Elena, and Millie. EEM. Fail.

  13. The bit about Kimmy looking like a dog’s asshole made me laugh harder than I have in a long time. You’ve still got it, Billy.

  14. I hope that after all is said and done, I will not be able to say that the best night of my life was a shitty, disastrous club opening that made me behave like an asshole to everyone and revealed me to be the world’s worst entrepreneur.

    May we all aim higher than Uncle Jesse!

    • Lovetolaugh, I agree with you that no one should suffer at the hands of a bad boss! When Shelley Duvall filmed “The Shining” in 1980, the director was such a dictator that he made her hair fall out and her doctor told her she was suffering as a result of that treatment. My old boss was like Freddy Krueger when she slashed the jobs my former coworkers and I did and some of us had nothing to do! I think if Jesse would have continued to be such a butt, people would up and quit! Another coworker who left the company said my boss had no business being a boss. I watched behind the scenes of “The Mist” directed by Frank Darabout and he was friendly to the actors and he called Frances Sternhagen “Franny the Action Star” or something along those lines and this actress who was Cliff Claven’s mom on “Cheers” is in her 80s. The director had to boss around actors of different races, sexes, ages, and any other thing that distinguishes human beings from each other.

    • Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself, I should remember that the greatest moments in Jesse’s life are shooting the craptastic “Forever” music video and this disaster of an opening night.

  15. I’ve started watching episodes the week they’re reviewed and Billy commented on everything I hoped he would. Goodness, Becky with the salt! She should have thrown some over her shoulder to at least try to change the luck of the opening. Eh, who am I kidding. Smush Club was doomed from the beginning.
    You’re not alone Billy, I too will suffer an episode a week in support.

  16. Oh! See what I did there?

    Nicely done.

    Joey tells Jesse that he was able to book R.E.M. for the Smash Club’s opening night and Jesse is overjoyed.

    How the hell did he do that?

    Jesse unveils to his family the garish monstrosity that is the new Smash Club.
    Man, the only place more 90s than that I can think of is the juice bar from Power Rangers.

    They’re not playing themselves, but rather performers named Renee, Esther and Martha, hence Joey assuming that they were “R.E.M.”

    Well, that explains that.

    as they head back out to the club, the handle to the door comes off, trapping them.

    What is it with this show and trapping people in places? It’s not just a sitcom cliche, it’s a cliche just within this show.

    Steve explains that all of his friends are foreign exchange students who don’t speak english

    He’s humoring Joey, right? Right?

    The girls bring Ben Stein his coffee and he seems to really like it.

    I can see his review now: “At least the coffee didn’t suck…”

    If they were performing an R.E.M. song it might kind of make sense… were we not supposed to know the difference?

    Maybe none of the producers knew the difference? “R.E.M, Devo, it’s all that same rock and roll the kids like, right?”

  17. I was laughing out loud by the second paragraph. Comments like, “This show’s definitely lame enough to do an episode about coffee abuse” are what make this webpage great. I had to question why the city’s top restaurant reviewer is at the “teen club” doing a review. Surely the working class and professionals won’t be giving up their hard earned money to spend an evening sipping sodas and juice at a teen hangout.

  18. Billy, “7th Heaven” did an episode about Simon’s coffee addiction and Ruthie’s gum addiction and I only watched that episode for Peter Tork (hand to God). The DelRubio triplets are all dead now and maybe Jesus is a musical group manager and when He heard the musical acts with dead musicians in them play at once, He said, “Oh, my Dad.”. Will Farrell played JC as a music group manager. Could you do “7th Heaven” next? One girl on “Jump the Shark” said that when the mom Annie hit menopause, the girl’s cat gave the character an incredulous look.

  19. How is this not the winner for the absolute worst episode ever? Everything about it makes me think WTF!? However, I have to say this is one of the funniest reviews yet. Here are a few of my favorite gems:

    “Then Joey says that Jesse’s hair smells like melon. I’m not really sure why that happens.” – Seriously. I thought that might be part of the plot later. Guess not.

    “she’s accosted by Ben Stein, who’s playing a food critic named Elliot who writes a column called, “Eating Out with Elliot” for the local newspaper I seem to remember a column in Hustler with that same name, and it sure wasn’t about food.” – OMG I laughed so hard at this one.

    “then Becky gives an inspiring speech about her high school volleyball coach and the resulting upswing in morale inexplicably causes the coffee machine to start working.” – Well, being a talk show host, maybe her words have magical powers.

    “Maybe that’s the message that the music brought us: ‘If you’re ever trapped in a storage closet, climb through the air conditioning vent.’ Aww.” – Best moral of the story, ever. Aww.

    “Jesse descends onto the crowd atop the disco ball and everyone applauds and congratulates him on doing such a great job, including Ben Stein, and then Jesse falls onto an older woman who kisses him on the mouth.” – haha WTF?

  20. Kimmy’s vest is a work of art compared to that hideous club. It looks like a colorblind clown designed it.

  21. So Jesse opens a club for kids that only serves coffee and juice but no food….tell me again the name of the bank that issued you a large unsecured loan for this business.

    By the way, after seeing the decor in the restaurant, I’m willing to bet that Jesse decided to use all of the multi colored toilets in the bathrooms.

  22. The presence of Joey and Danny ensures that the undeniable chemistry between Kimmy Gibbler and Uncle Jesse is only the third most uncomfortable thing on this show.

    • Amy, you’ll have a lot more discomfort when Jesse dreams that he is married to Kimmy Gibbler and she has Peg Bundy’s hair and is wearing her outfit and Jesse is fat, pathetic, and has a scalp infection.

  23. Another stellar review….I can’t help but wonder why there are salt shakers, if food isn’t served. Are the patrons of the Smash Club going to be salting their juice and coffee????? Seriously, WTF?

    • This was my question too. They serve coffee, juice and sticky buns, why was Becky filling all those salt shakers?

      And I don’t see how Jermsey expects to make any money on this club, since it looks like it seats about 20 people. They must charge a huge cover. Or he figures he doesn’t need to make a profit, since he can sponge off Danny and Becky forever.

      • Haha, also very true. If Jesse made mad money on this club, he might actually be expected to buy his own house…gasp….and support his own family….double gasp….although I’m sure Rebecca makes enough to do both of those things, and that never caused them to move out (except for that day after they got married)…..

  24. I watch “Modern Family” and Luke would add salt to his chocolate milk. I think the “Middle” kids and “Modern Family” kids all are way funnier than the FH kids, with Kimmy being the exception!

  25. My people, I know she was on FH a while ago, but Annette Funicello died and she was the only one who called Michelle sweetheart without knowing her first. She also received a fan letter smelling of Lemon Pledge from Danny and a request that he clean her house. Well, despite the fact that she appeared on FH, she was a classy lady!

  26. There is another blog called “Full House” about a woman renovating her house and she has triplet sons who are quite young. Wouldn’t it be scary if Nicholas, Alexander, and Jesse, Jr all came along?

  27. Wait a minute…why are there frying pans hung up in the storage closet? I don’t know, shouldn’t those be in, hmm, maybe, the kitchen? And if they’re extras, why even have them around? It seriously looks like they were trying to decorate the frigging closet!

    Also, why does it take Jesse so long to figure out he can go through the air conditioning vent to escape the closet? I figure since he redesigned the place he would know the layout, why didn’t he think of that before. Oh, wait, I forgot I was talking about Jesse for a second there…

  28. Holy shet, this is absolutely one of the worst episodes ever written. Thank you to everyone for the hilarious comments; it makes the torture of this horrendous show so worthwhile. I saw this ep last night and was shocked and appalled at so many things, but JOEY’S STAND UP shocked me the most. The “joke” that they showed him doing … I wanted to vomit I was so embarrassed. It was: ” I went to the doctor the other day for a headache, and he told me to take off my clothes. I asked him if it would make my head feel better and he said ‘No, I just hate what you’re wearing.’ ” ……….. Obviously, crickets. I was so glad they showed the audience bored and silent… I thought to myself, finally, the show is pointing out that Joey is excruciatingly not funny. BUT THEN it turns out there is a reason for the non-laughter– that they don’t speak english? (And Joey had the balls to DEMAND a reason from Steve why they weren’t laughing at that joke, as if it wasn’t the most horrible joke of all time, and that everyone should laugh like robots at every dumbass thing that comes out of his mouth.) Appalled. Just appalled.
    And I so wish Billy would have captured a screen shot of Danny’s overacting of playing Twister by himself derrangely at the end.

    (And that fake review of the Smash Club someone commented was spot. on.)

  29. The REM plot of this episode really annoys me for some reason. Not only is it not REM but the Del Rubio triplets sing a Devo song. And none of Steve’s friends speak English. Really stupid. I think the best part of this episode is Danny being all jittery from the cappuccino.

  30. Did Uncle Meanie/Tattletale pay for their uniforms? If so, then fuck lil’ Ms. Chickenlegs and her rank ass feet.

  31. I feel like this very special episode about Danny’s coffee abuse would be a combination of Jessie Spano’s caffeine pill addiction and that one episode of Futurama where Fry drinks so much coffee that time slows down.

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