Pre-Credits Gag: DJ reads The Cat in the Hat to Michelle at bedtime and Michelle keeps asking questions to delay having to go to sleep.
Everyone in the full house who has a real job comes home to find Jesse baking gingerbread men in the kitchen. Joey, of all people, takes pity on Jesse and offers him a gig writing the intro to the cartoons on his Ranger Joe show. I like how the hosts of tv shows on Full House always have this amazing range of responsibilities, like finding someone to write their jingles.
The girls come home and then there’s this weird scene of everyone talking over each other until Stephanie stands up on a chair and whistles to get their attention. She announces that she won her class’s spelling bee and is now going to compete in the 4th grade finals. Danny gets all excited about Stephanie having a talent he might be able to exploit but then Stephanie warns him that there’s this really smart Asian kid named Davey Chu that totally always wins. Everyone hypes Stephanie up and tells her that she’s gonna kick Davey Chu’s ass and then she starts flexing.
The dads point out that Stephanie’s been hella good at reading since she was four and then Michelle’s like, “Hey, what the fuck? I’m five and I can’t read for shit.”
Jesse writes a jingle for the Ranger Joe show but even though the audience totally loses their shit when he performs it, Joey tells him that it sucks. Joey tells Jesse that he’ll loan him a cassette of his favorite cartoons to watch for research and then he does an impression of Sylvester the cat that involves him spitting in Jesse’s face.
Danny tries to help Michelle learn how to read by associating letters with cleaning products. I wonder how often Danny makes his children wash their hands. I’d like to see a very special episode about it. Anyway, Stephanie interrupts their educational session by coming in and freaking out about the spelling bee. Danny tells her to chill the fuck out and teaches her how to use mnemonic devices to remember how to spell certain words. Dang, that’s gotta be the most competent parenting that we’ve ever seen on this show.
After Stephanie leaves the scene, Michelle recites the alphabet and the audience fucking loses their shit. What an easy crowd! It almost justifies how fucking smug she looks while she does it.
In the moments leading up to the 4th grade spelling bee, Stephanie and Davey Chu talk hella shit to each other while Danny takes photos from the front row. When the spelling bee begins, Stephanie is called up first (naturally) and asked to spell “mnemonic,” which, ironically, she can’t do.
Stephanie tries to weasel out of having to spell the word until the judge tells her to hurry the fuck up, at which points she totally spells it wrong. I like how the very first thing that happens in the school spelling bee is Stephanie fucking up. It really appeals to my asshole attitude towards this stupid show. The best part is when Davey Chu is called up to spell “mnemonic” afterwards and he totally struts up there like it aint nuthin’ and spells the shit out of it. He even emphasizes the silent M, which is what Stephanie fucked up on. Davey Chu is the man, you guys.
So, as if it’s not already awesome enough to see Stephanie totally fail, she completely flips her shit right afterwards. She pleads like a heroine addict for another shot at the spelling bee in front of an entire auditorium full of people until the judge finally tells her to get the fuck off the stage. What a glorious display of indignity!
Bringing this embarrassing spectacle to a climax, Stephanie straight up rushes the stage and tries to spell the next kid’s word, so the dads have to pull her off stage. I have to say that Stephanie reacting this way is totally not surprising. She gets away with that shit all the time in the full house. Maybe if she got some constructive discouragement at home she wouldn’t act like that in public.
DJ tries to help Michelle learn how to read but then she starts telling her all of these really complicated rules about vowels. She asks Michelle if she did a bad job of explaining things and Michelle says, “duh!”
Danny and Stephanie walk through the living room while she rants about losing the spelling bee and then, just as the doorbell rings, Danny tells her to wait for him because he needs to have a talk with her. I love that kind of nonsense sitcom staging. He just drove her home. Why didn’t they talk then? But anyway, who cares because Davey Chu shows up at the door under the pretense that he’s brought Stephanie her prize ribbon but really it’s just to show off his enormous trophy. Stephanie gets all shitty with him and challenges him to a spelling rematch which Danny sort of tries to discourage for about 2 seconds before agreeing to be the judge.
Jesse writes another Ranger Joe cartoon intro song and once again the audience loses their shit and once again Joey doesn’t like it. Finally, Joey decides that he likes a boinging sound that Jesse makes on his keyboard and then they argue over whether or not Jesse should be paid for it.
Jesse comes across Michelle declaring that she’s giving up reading because she’s too dumb and he gives her an inspiring speech about what a dumb ass moron he used to be before he started applying himself. They then go through a really long and boring little-kid-reading-lesson that doesn’t even have any jokes in it. Well, anyway, I guess Michelle can read now.
Davey Chu gets tired of spelling words correctly and tells Stephanie that he needs to go home to eat dinner. Danny gives Stephanie one last word to spell, sarsaparilla, and she fucks it up, losing to Davey Chu yet again. She has yet another big hissy fit and storms off to the kitchen while Davey Chu grabs his enormous trophy and goes home. Danny goes into the kitchen and tells Stephanie that she shouldn’t be such an asshole about losing because no matter what you excel at, there’s always some Asian kid who’s going to be better. Finally, some constructive discouragement! The music comes on and then, hugs.
Firsts: constructive discouragement! Come on man, that one was handed right to you!
Davey Chu is the shit! I think I remember this episode most for all the times the audience loses their mind for things. It has to be the most out of any episode, Jessie’s songs, Michelle trying to spell, I think maybe when Stephanie spelled some words right. That applause sign was working overtime for sure.
The thing I remember most about this episode was “S-A-ARRRRRRRRRRR-” and then the rest of the word.
I hate this show, and love this blog.
I think DJ should have used the word globe instead of date. When you take the e off of globe you have glob and that is a word. I remember Danny at the spelling bee with a camera and him saying that intelligence runs in his family and Jesse telling him he has the lens cap on the camera when he snaps Stephanie’s picture.
But DJ is a horny teenager, and all horny teenagers can think about is dating? Amiright? Uhhhggg…. fuck this show.
For a moment I thought this was the episode Stephanie dabbles in Jewish mysticism…must’ve been a different one.
That would have been awesome…
I have to admit that this episode is why I know how to spell “success”…
Double the c, double the s and now you have success!
If that is the gimmick they used, then that is the reason why I also know how to spell success.
But … but success has THREE S’s …
Though I had completely forgotten this episode, once I saw the post for it, I remembered it instantly and mostly in its horrible entirety. I think the reason this one sticks out in my mind is because it actually had a valuable lesson hidden within it.
It taught me a mnemonic device for spelling “success,” (“double c, double s, and you will always have success”). It also taught me mnemonic is a ridiculous looking word, but I wouldn’t actually learn to spell it until I got really into William Gibson.
I think it is telling that Danny specifically taught her to spell “success” (and if my memory serves me, pretty much nothing else). The Tanners just sort of expect to win at everything all the time. It’s actually probably the best written episode of the show, just because, I guess, learning to spell success and then failing instantly is as close as the show will ever get to understanding “irony” or “thematic elements.”
there’s also some creative editing, with scenes cutting between stephanie and davey chu’s spelling battle and michelle trying to learn to read. it’s almost like someone gave a shit or had some sort of actual creative aspiration when they made this episode.
“Danny goes into the kitchen and tells Stephanie that she shouldn’t be such an asshole about losing because no matter what you excel at, there’s always some Asian kid who’s going to be better.”
I don’t know, i won a big blue eyes contest. Let’s see an asian kid win that!
This… this is just amazing.
My version of hell would be to have to watch this shit 24/7. I’m amazed if you don’t have little knife scars all up and down your arms Superstar.
Well, after being super late to this party and not discovering this blog until a few days ago, I am officially caught up.
Seriously though, I love how Davey Chu is smarter than everyone in the full house. When Stephanie goes to spell her word in that spelling bee, and gets it dead ass wrong, the dads all stand up and cheer before the judge has a chance to say that she actually totally fucked up and got it wrong. This proves that they all thought it was spelled “numonic” or however the fuck she spelled it, and it shows yet again that those fucking Tanners are so obnoxious, you literally cannot take them anywhere.
They also cough “do over” which only encouraged her whining when she was eliminated. Kind of disappointed that was left out of the review. Totally understand all things can’t be covered but I think that was an important aspect. Yeah the guys had to drag her off stage, but they were obnoxious fucks just prior.
And now, Full House begins to how us how fucking stupid and useless Michelle is. While DJ and Stephanie were both shown to be smart, athletic, and reasonably talented at singing/dancing, Michelle can’t fucking read, can’t tie her fucking shoes, can’t kick a fucking soccer ball into the right goddamn goal, and can’t sing Yankee Doodle fucking Dandy.
(I think these traits were unavoidable, considering that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were always behind the curve of normal development. Seriously, they’re 8 when the show ends but still have the speech patterns of a 4-year-old.)
But do you think they stop trying to shove Michelle down our throats as the greatest ape-faced child to ever walk this earth? No. For some reason, they want us to keep believing that.
Interesting point. The other girls have some form of talent or extracurricular activities. What does Michelle do other than shove food in her face and act like an asshole?
Not to mention dialing 800 numbers on the phone when she thought that’s what a 1-800 number is.
She tried to shrink her feet in ice water when she was 8 years old… doesn’t get much dumber than that
Michelle thinking she married Steve for real and Denise was the minister who married them and I don’t remember Denise taking religious courses at all.
“Bringing this embarrassing spectacle to a climax, Stephanie straight up rushes the stage and tries to spell the next kid’s word, so the dads have to pull her off stage.” She’s such an asshole Parthenon!
Thank you. Thank you for bringing back an almost extinct catchphrase, I’d almost completely forgot!
I see we are starting to take a swing into Stephanie territory, where most of the episodes seem to revolve around her and her amazing dancing and…wait…what’s her other talent? It’s been a while since I was on the blog, has she done her fuck up of the Motown Philly routine yet? Well, at least the focus has swung toward her and we get less and less Michelle the Ape Child, whose only talents are eating sugary foods and acting like an imbecile.
Oh man, Davey Chu is awesome!
She announces that she won her class’s spelling bee and is now going to compete in the 4th grade finals.
Two Stephanie-centric episodes in a row? Crazy!
…then he does an impression of Sylvester the cat
For a moment I read that as “does an impressive Sylvester the Cat” and I thought I’d slipped into Bizarro World for a moment…
I wonder how often Danny makes his children wash their hands.
‘Til they’re raw.
Stephanie is called up first (naturally) and asked to spell “mnemonic,” which, ironically, she can’t do.
Dramatic irony aside, that seems like a tough word with which to start a 4th grade spelling bee.
Davey Chu shows up at the door under the pretense that he’s brought Stephanie her prize ribbon but really it’s just to show off his enormous trophy.
Seriously, I love this kid.
Well, anyway, I guess Michelle can read now.
Not that this show has ever bothered itself with logic before, but why wasn’t she learning any of this in, you know, school? I get that it’s good for parents to work with their kid on reading outside the classroom, but shouldn’t she have picked up some of the basics in school already?
I was thinking this. Isn’t she in Kindergarten? They learn that shit there although they don’t seem to mention anyone taking her. Anyways, my 3 year old knows his alphabet, it ain’t that hard for a 5 year old.
It’s Mary-Kate and Ashley’s 26th b-day today! I thought they were quite funny on SNL when they did the fake commercial for their perfume line.
You know, with all of this failed musician crap going on, I’m REALLY surprised the FH producers never made Jesse become some big star. Usually on crappy sitcoms, the character gets to become what they ~dreamed of when they were young. I’m glad they didn’t, because no way in hell would he have become some big star. His music sucked.
I just want to thank you Mr. Superstar. Your screenshots do such an amazing job making these idiots look like the dicks they are. I hate these people.
The “Stephanie fucks up at the spelling bee” episode, I could’ve sworn she ended up winning somehow, with the other kid losing by default for using steroids or some shit. This also show just how truly obnoxious Stephanie really is, she chokes and then demands a second chance. Who the fuck does she think she is, Michelle? Seriously, why hasn’t she just jumped off the Golden Gate bridge by now is beyond me.
Speaking of bratty children, Michelle bitches that she doesn’t know how to read. This is the same girl that bails out of class within 30 seconds and is almost never in school, probably because she always manages to manipulate the Dads into letting her stay home. Well duh Michelle, you can’t read because you never tried to learn in the first place.
Hey…no one mentioned that they brought back Stephanies ‘hot ass’ teacher as the moderator of the spelling bee. They can’t get Jessies horrible band the same from episode to episode but they remember to bring back this tool WTF I don’t get it But….I Love this Blog!
If you think the show is so fucking stupid dont reveiw it for god damn sake is it your show to add a bad word to every sentance to judge them when there actors man fuck you
Yousuck all right. Stop reading if you don’t like it, asshole!
Was…was that English?
I miss Rad Harry.