Season 3, Episode 4, “Nerd for a Day”

Pre-Credits Gag:  Michelle pretends that her toy car is broken and then Joey pretends to fix it.  At the end he makes her say thanks by giving him a kiss, which leads me an observation I somehow haven’t made yet:  man, they sure do kiss that baby a lot.  I mean, I know that parents kiss their babies and everything, but it seems like kind of a weird thing for actors to have to simulate all the time.  It’s also not like it’s an accident, either-the shows creators must really want to see those dads kiss that baby all the time, right on the mouth.  What’s weirdest about it is if you think about how hard it is to get a baby to act out a scene successfully and realize that those guys were probably sitting on that set kissing that baby all fucking day, under hot lights, on a regular basis.

Jesse and Joey rehearse their latest ad jingle with a cheesy doo-wop group (where do they get this endless stream of corny looking musicians?  I swear it’s never the same people…).  The baby is incorporated into their routine in a way that’s clearly done by editing in shots of her that were taken at a different time.  As if that didn’t make the scene feel inorganic enough, the doo-wop group is abruptly shuffled off-screen the moment their routine ends.  Who goes over to someone’s house for rehearsal and then immediately walks out in silence the second it’s over?

Anyway, it’s a good thing those guys left right when they did because the moment they’re gone, DJ barges into the room and starts talking about her day at school.  She was assigned a report where she has to observe a family member for a day and decided to pick Michelle.  Stephanie enters the scene shortly afterwards and confesses that she got held after school because she and a bunch of other kids in her class were calling this one kid, “Duckface.”  Jesse tries to tell her that it’s fucked up to make fun of other kids at school but Joey keeps interjecting with lame ass jokes until Jesse actually makes him leave.  Right on!  Anyway, Jesse tells Stephanie about how he had an awkward phase when he was younger and kids made fun of him.  That’s right, y’all, Jesse understands the pain of being teased because he experienced it himself, and we all know that’s the only way to learn a lesson in the empathy-free world of Full House.  Jesse then tells Stephanie that she has to call Duckface on the phone to apologize, which is a little extreme if you ask me.  Maybe it’s not such a big deal nowadays, what with these kids and their cellular computer phones and the google and the IM and whatnot, but back in the neon-mismatched haze of the late 80’s/early 90’s, being in the 4th grade and calling someone of the opposite gender on the phone was always kind of a big ass deal.  Anywho, alls I’m sayin is how come she couldn’t just apologize to him at school the next day?

Danny comes home and tells Joey that Rebecca Donaldson will be out of town tomorrow so he needs to find a last-minute co-host for Wake Up, San Francisco tomorrow.  Joey immediately starts kissing his ass and rubbing his shoulders until Danny reveals that he’s already booked him for the gig.

Stephanie is forced to call Duckface on a phone that I would like to point out is shaped like lips.  She tries to make the call as quickly as possible and repeatedly attempts to hang up but is foiled each time by Uncle Jesse.  It’s weird how Duckface is supposed to be just sitting there on the other line while there are these long silences and urging from her Uncle going on in the background.  It’s like that whenever the Uncles get a call from their boss, too, where they’re always quibbling and grabbing the phone from each other.  I guess that if you’re on the phone with someone at the full house you just have to listen patiently because there’s always so much wacky shit going on over there that you can never get a decent conversation going.

In the morning Danny tells Joey that he’s holding them up and they’re gonna be late to host Wake Up, San Francisco and you really can’t tell if the scene is about Danny being anal retentive or Joey being a big fuck-up idiot.  Anyway it doesn’t even matter because the doorbell rings and, sure enough, it’s that muthafucka Duckface.

Duckface tells Stephanie that since she called him on the phone they are now boyfriend and girlfriend and he’s gonna sexually harass her for the rest of eternity.  Of course that’s what happened!  That’s why you must treat nerds like shit at all times!!!  If you relent for one second they will latch onto you forever and ruin your life!  Anyway, Stephanie doesn’t manage to tell Duckface that she doesn’t wanna be his girlfriend because he’s a gross weirdo but she is able to spin it so that they can be boyfriend and girlfriend just as long as he never looks at her or talks to her and they keep it a secret from everybody.  I guess Duckface must have pretty low self-esteem because he totally goes for it.

DJ bangs her knee while chasing down Michelle, who’s stolen her report.  Michelle and DJ then have a tender moment where Michelle kisses DJ’s hurt knee.  It made my heart hella fuckin warm to watch that shit.  Stephanie then barges into the room looking for Uncle Jesse but when DJ says he’s probably in his room it really makes you wonder why Stephanie stopped to ask DJ rather than just go straight to Jesse’s room.  I guess it must have been a lame attempt to try to bridge this scene to the next one.

Stephanie barges into Jesse’s room, which really fails to have a dramatic effect because that’s always how she comes into his room.  She explains to Jesse how forcing her to call Duckface has ruined her life and tells him to go fuck himself.

Danny has to open Wake Up, San Francisco by himself because Joey is offstage getting a donut.  Man, Joey’s really going for that gold medal in the Worthless Asshole Olympics.  He’s late to a tv show hosting gig that his friend hooked him up with even though that same friend gave him a ride to it.  So Joey starts plugging his upcoming stand-up gig and then he and Danny bring out their first guest, a sweaty weirdo who wrote a book about hug therapy.  The guest starts counseling them and Joey and Danny immediately begin criticizing each other and then they argue.  Can we just once see Wake Up, San Francisco be anything other than a terrible disaster?

DJ comes home from school with the news that she got a really good grade on her report about Michelle and shares that her experience of observing has led to a deeper understanding of Michelle.  Hey, great.  Stephanie comes home and tells Uncle Jesse that Duckface is still all up on her jammy but Jesse maintains that apologizing to him was the right thing to do.  Their conversation is interrupted by a ring at the doorbell, which Stephanie assumes is her friends coming over to work on a project but ends up being Duckface.  Duckface tries to cop a feel real quick while they’re alone but then Stephanie’s friends show up and see them together and start talking hella shit.  Incidentally, one of the kids is Harry, who we haven’t seen yet this season.  Harry’s pretty rad if you ask me.  Anyway, Stephanie is upset by her friends taunts, but having now experienced being teased herself she understands how it feels and so refuses her friends insistence that she treat Duckface like shit while they all watch in a sick, twisted Middle-School ritual.

Stephanie then proclaims that she and Duckface are friends and she doesn’t care who knows it, which seems like kind of a stretch if you ask me.  I mean, it’s cool that she’s not down to treat him like shit all the time, but when you consider that when she previously showed him the least bit of kindness his response was to latch on to her and make a bunch of sexual advances, it doesn’t really make sense to want to be his friend.  Anyway, Stephanie then recalls a time for each of her friends when they, too, were teased, thus enabling them to understand the pain it causes.  It’s a good thing she had a specific example for each of them or her whole argument would have totally failed.  So in the end Duckface is invited to join their little group of friends even though he’s a total creep, and thus began a long career in Duckface’s life of using pity to get girls to go out with him.

After fixing everything with her wise and inspiring words, Stephanie goes up to Jesse’s room to tell him what happened even though he was actually evesdropping the whole time.  She then tells him that she learned a lesson about how fucked up it is to tease people and that she’s concerned that she and Uncle Jesse are no longer friends because she was such an asshole.  Gentle music plays as Uncle Jesse tells her that he’ll always be there for her and then there are hugs.  It’s kind of weird that they reserved the music for this tacked-on ending rather than Stephanie’s inspiring speech about teasing.  I wonder if there were established rules about when the music should be used?  Another thing that’s weird is that there was no follow-up whatsoever to Joey’s shitty ass performance on Wake Up, San Francisco.  You’d think that there would have been some sort of aftermath for that, right?

53 thoughts on “Season 3, Episode 4, “Nerd for a Day”

  1. How much of an idiot is Joey? He’s a struggling comedian looking for his big break. He gets a guest spot on a morning show for a large city and, instead of taking it seriously, he’s late to get out the door and then misses his cue for when the show starts because he’s eating a donut? No wonder he has to live off the charity of his friends and has no girlfriend.

    Also, I always it felt like it was unrealistic that a show like Wake Up, San Francisco would fuck up so much and still be on the air…but, then again, Kathy Lee and Hoda are still on the air so what do I know?

    “and thus began a long career in Duckface’s life of using pity to get girls to go out with him.”

    Good luck with that, Duckface….never worked for me.

      • I would bet that 95% of the people on earth do not know what you are referencing… especially those of us who have lost braincells due to exposure to Full House, so I feel an explanation is in order. A “Beard” is a term used to describe a closet homosexual’s “girlfriend” who pretends to be with him to help conceal his sexual preference for men. in return for her efforts, the beard is often rewarded housing, or money, or favors(not sexual lol), making a smooth running symbiotic relationship. +100pts for using such a great word on the best blog in history about the worst show in history.

  2. For whatever reason, this is one of those episodes I remember fairly well (at least, the plot involving Duckface getting picked on and then sexually harassing Stephanie when she apologies).

    Is Jesse wearing some kind of messed up black-and-blue leotard in this episode? Whatever it is in that fourth screencap looks awful…

    Here’s my issue with the depiction of Wake Up, San Fransisco (well, ONE of my issues…): I have a buddy who worked for a local TV affiliate as a producer for a few years, and he worked on the channel’s morning news show, which involved him going in to work at 3 AM every day.

    Now, granted, I’m sure the talent didn’t show up THAT early, but still; the kind of hijinks that Danny and Rebecca Donaldson get into each morning en route to their morning show are beyond unrealistic; all those kids should still be in bed when they leave in the morning, and it would probably still be dark out most of the time.

    Yeah. THIS is the problem I have with reality as depicted on “Full House”…

    • You guys are the best! I also remember this episode more vividly than most, possibly due to the grim visage of Duckface, or maybe just because they re-ran it a lot. Incidentally, Duckface is played by that kid from Jurassic park who gets that really overdone speech in the beginning from Sam Neil abut how scary raptors are.

      What bothers me most about Wake Up, San Francisco is the clear lack of effort that anyone puts into it. Danny asks Joey the day before to host the show… did nobody think to find a replacement for Rebecca Donaldson before this? And when Joey isn’t on the stage as the episode begins to air, Danny is the only person who even notices. Aren’t there people who’s entire job is to make sure that the hosts are in the right place at the right time? I mean, what the fuck?

      • Incidentally, Duckface is played by that kid from Jurassic park who gets that really overdone speech in the beginning from Sam Neil abut how scary raptors are.

        That’s it! I knew that kid tied in to some other bit of pop culture ephemera.

        Danny asks Joey the day before to host the show… did nobody think to find a replacement for Rebecca Donaldson before this?

        Yeah, I’m pretty sure that when Meredith Viera goes on vacation it’s not Matt Lauer’s responsibility to find her replacement.

        Though on the off chance that Matt Lauer has a shiftless live-in friend who does bad impressions, I kinda wish it *was*.

      • Duckface was also on an episode of Glee. When I was watching that (Glee) episode and he came on, it took me less than a minute to place him. Full House is in my head, dammit!

        • I had to look up what he looks like now and oh god, I wish I didn’t before I go to sleep.

          He grew up to be one freaky looking muthafucker.

      • I noticed in that first screen cap that Duckface looked familiar and couldn’t put my finger on it.

        After I finished reading the post and comments, I was totally heading over to IMDB to investigate, but you saved me the trouble!

      • As a horror movie fan, I always remembered Duckface as the creepy ass “Dream Child” that Freddy wanted to get his hands on in Elm Street 5. The only character in the movie scarier than Freddy.

    • In photo #4 “the leotard” is suspenders, I had to look it up. It is some olde tymey high waisted pants. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXI9U5LgTQ0 shows the shitty group “rehearsal”.
      I can’t imagine being fine with the ugly baby “singing” along and douchey douche-douche Jesse playing with her. That doo doo group of acid washed asswipes have no self respect. Do they have a real gig next door and they do this because they want to get down Jesse’s pants? Perhaps they go so quickly upstairs for the Uncle Jesse orgy, but watch the hair.
      I have a strong feeling that Mom didn’t die in an “accident”. She obviously had a shit ton of money or how else do 6 people live an enourmous house in one of the most expensive cities in the us? G’morning SF? It must start after 10 in the morning. I bet she had a huge life insurance policy and Joey cut her brake lines. Also would explain his “cut it out” catch phrase.
      Again thanks for the great fun.
      @ Teebore your comments are insightful and cutting.

      • thanks for the hilarious comment! i think the Uncle Joey car breaks/cut-it-out conspiracy theory is worth investigating…

  3. “That muthafucka Duckface” is the best line in this whole entry. I really want a t-shirt w/the screencap of that kid & that written below…

    I’m new to this blog (like I’ve been reading it obsessively for the past 5 days or so), but I must say that you are KILLING IT on the 3rd season. I mean, you had me at the Honeybee leader vag pounding several entries back, but now you’ve got me for life.

  4. Harry should be upset over Stephanie’s adulterous behavior, after all they are married! Then again, Harry cheated on Stephanie with her own sister last season, so really Stephanie has every right to make a cuckold of him in return. Phew. This show is dark!

    • There are so many levels to it, I’m surprised the world was able to go on, after the show ceased syndication. Mr. Superstar is doing us all a favor, by meticulously going through this show one painstaking episode at a time.

  5. Hey Superstar,
    Are you aware of the tv show back in the 80′s that aired on Nickelodeon (I think)?

    Joey used that “cut. it. out.” bit all the time. I think he played some sort of wigged out news anchor on that show. The only thing I remeber about it was the “hurry up machine” and that was every bit as lame as the clusterfuck Full House is.

    Oh,
    and great work man!

    • Not that any one expects you to be as obsessive as I am and read all the comments, but someone mentions this on an episode back in season 2, I think.

      I used to watch the show regularly, though I could not remember the name of it. The commentator identified its as “Out of Control”.

      The only thing I remembered, despite being a regular viewer, was that annoying yell that trailer-trash looking woman would emit. Which I admitted I used to (before puberty) be able to duplicate perfectly.

  6. “That’s why you must treat nerds like shit at all times!!!” not only do i get fullhouse insight… i get lifelong lessons from childhood i had completley forgot since growing up.

  7. I’m surprised no one has mentioned the incredibly cool high waters Harry is sporting in that last screen shot. There is like an inch of skin between his socks and the bottoms of his jeans!

  8. I remember in the season 4 reviews you mention that you live near SF, now I see in this post that you were in fourth grade around the time this episode aired. I’m also from the SF Bay Area and almost 30 and I’m wondering whereabouts you’re from. I’m not a stalker, I promise. I just think it would be cool if we existed in the same time and place at some point.

  9. “Michelle and DJ then have a tender moment where Michelle kisses DJ’s hurt knee. It made my heart hella fuckin warm to watch that shit.”

    LOL – best line of the post, IMO.

    • I normally just read the blog for a general humorous feeling, instead of for one liners, but that line definitely made me laugh out loud. And that doesn’t happen often with print stuff for me.

  10. Yes, the return of the doo-whop group. They’re never the same people but I, however, have noticed that there is always a token black guy.

  11. This is the first episode where Danny left for work LONG before the girls left for school. Once again, common sense fails on Full House.

  12. My girlfriend just watched this episode(and as a result I did too)….the best part was when the other three kids just showed up infront of the door like ninjas

  13. “Anyway it doesn’t even matter because the doorbell rings and, sure enough, it’s that muthafucka Duckface.”

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for this website!!! It makes my day everyday! :)

  14. “Duckface tells Stephanie that since she called him on the phone they are now boyfriend and girlfriend and he’s gonna sexually harass her for the rest of eternity. Of course that’s what happened! That’s why you must treat nerds like shit at all times!!! If you relent for one second they will latch onto you forever and ruin your life!”

    FUNNIEST THING I’VE READ ON THIS BLOG SO FAR, OMG.

  15. “Anyway it doesn’t even matter because the doorbell rings and, sure enough, it’s that muthafucka Duckface.”

    I laughed my ass off. Another gem from the master. :bow:

  16. ” it doesn’t even matter because the doorbell rings and, sure enough, it’s that muthafucka Duckface.”

    lmaoo0oooooo i keep re reading this and laughing my tits off

  17. DUCKFACE.

    He’s the creepy little cop on Raising Hope who is always trying to get in Martha Plimpton’s bizness. He was also on an episode of Psych. I think ol’ Duckface has had a better career since leaving the full house than Dave Coulier.

    I was watching the show on Nick at Nite and reading this blog like a do-it-yourself MST3k. But since they show a two-hour block of episodes every night (DEAR GOD WHY?), it’s gotten ahead of the site. My nights are a little less fun.

  18. I know it’s been years, but, I thought I should mention… I sold a copy of the novelization of this episode on eBay for about $12. It was part of an entire series of “Stephanie” books.

  19. A couple of things:

    1. I don’t understand why Jesse’s making Stephanie tell Duckface that the two of them are friends. You don’t have to be friends with EVERYBODY. I think Stephanie would have been more inclined to apologize if she didn’t feel like she had to be the kid’s friend. We all should tolerate one another, but that doesn’t mean we all have to be pals.

    2. Isn’t that blonde boy in Stephanie’s group the same kid whose head got buttered in the “DJ babysits” episode?

    • I agree, Appleteeny, that her developing a friendship with a boy she doesn’t want to be friends with should not be a stipulation for her apology! I am positive the blond boy in the group had his head buttered by DJ.

  20. Isn’t it harassment to just put ones arm around someone without asking?

    NOT IN THE FULL HOUSE IT ISN’T!!

  21. The absolute greatest scenario of the entire series was in this episode, only we don’t get to see it. Stephanie actually threw bread at Duckface. Hahahhahahaha. As fucked up as it was, she was a clever fucking bully. You gotta give’r props.
    Jodie Sweetin was pretty much the holy vessel for realness on this show. She was made a bully, she “almost” smoked, she was always a bitch, and she knew that kid who got beat. While the other girls went through similar issues, they never got reprimanded like Stephanie.
    Maybe it’s the middle child in me, but she was treated the worst. It’s no surprise Jodie Sweetin ended up on meth in her real life. It was character research. Stephanie was, at some point, gonna hit drugs hard. And clearly, she’s the only one to escape the Cult House I mean, Full House.
    By the way, Harry was NOT rad. The only rad minority on the show was Denise.

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