Season 1, Episode 11, “The Big Three-O”

Danny is turning 30!  Danny’s only 30!??!  He’s got a big house and 3 kids…  Man, that really makes me feel bad about my life…  I guess Danny didn’t spend all his free time writing a dumb ass blog about a shitty tv show…

Anyway, the family discusses the surprise party they’re planning for the evening until Danny shows up and expresses his unease about turning 30.  Every time he tries to say “30” he stammers, which is the latest in an endless stream of unfunny reoccurring gags.  He also talks about how much he loves his car, Bullet, which might just be a little set-up for the rest of the episode.  On his way out Danny declares that he doesn’t want a party while striking the oddest pose for no apparent reason.

The moment Danny leaves, the Uncles set to work on planning his party.  Jesse is going to take Bullet in for new birthday seat covers but first he and Joey stand around talking about how much Danny loves that car.  Hmm… I wonder what’s gonna happen…

In the very next scene Jesse arrives to the party with the news that he’s totaled Danny’s car.  Oh my god I did not see that coming!!!

Danny isn’t home yet and the family decides not to tell him about his totaled car until after the party.  Danny comes home to a room full of undeveloped characters, including Cousin Ed (I’m eager to find out if we ever see him again… he doesn’t have any lines but is clearly well regarded by Danny) and Caroline, the fishing boat captain from episode 5.  I think it’s kind of odd that Caroline comes back when we’re still yet to see Grandma or Bubba the turtle again (I’m really upset over the mysterious disappearance of Bubba the turtle), especially since Caroline makes no relevant contribution to the episode.

While Danny is opening presents, Stephanie busts out the sheepskin seat covers that the Uncles tried to hide and of course Danny insists on putting them on the car that very minute (hence them being hidden).  He’s horrified at the sight of his ruined car but tries to take it all in stride.  For some reason this prompts the Uncles to elaborate on how fucked up the situation in, especially Joey, who recounts all the wonderful experiences Danny had with Bullet and declares that the car represents Danny’s 20’s.  Way to pour salt on an open wound, Joey.  Danny goes to bed destroyed and we can only assume that the partygoers head home because we never see them again.

In the morning Danny finds himself experiencing an existential crisis but Jesse assures him that he’s got a big surprise in store that will fix everything.  The Uncles head to a classic car dealer that has the exact same car model as Bullet.

They get to work on getting a price on the car that is equal to the insurance settlement for Bullet, but wouldn’t you know it?  Someone calls in who wants to buy the car over the phone, sight-unseen.  The Uncles get into a bidding war with the caller, who of course turns out to be Danny.  After a bit that you’ve seen a dozen times before on way better sitcoms, The Uncles get the car.

When the Uncles get home Danny goes into a whole spiel about how he’s over Bullet and wants a new jeep instead, but then he’s all jazzed anyway when he sees his replacement car.  The moral is kind of jumbled here, as it seems to be about moving on and accepting change but then Danny gets the same exact car, so I’m not even sure why the music comes on.

Anyway, Danny is finally able to say that he’s 30 and then the family goes for a spin that utilizes stock footage from the shows opening set to the worst cover of “Baby You Can Drive My Car” I ever heard in my life.

Firsts:  Bullet the car (also death of), view of the backyard set

36 thoughts on “Season 1, Episode 11, “The Big Three-O”

  1. Apologies if you’ve pointed this out already, but if Danny Tanner is turning 30 here, wouldn’t that mean that he and his dead wife had DJ when they were teenagers???

    • Actually, I think DJ’s only 10 years old here, maybe 11. Which means Danny woulda been 19, 20 when she was born. Assuming his wife wasn’t much younger than him if at all, then yeah, they woulda been young, but not too ridiculously young. The bigger question is who woulda had sex with Danny Tanner at least three times?

      • HAHA! You say that, but a coworker confessed to me recently that she had the biggest crush on Danny when she was little. Specifically because we was a nice (and awkward) guy.

        So, his chances may have been slim, but he still was capable of pullin’ dem hos!1!!1

  2. This episode perplexed me every time I watched it because the way Jesse and Joey talk, they have access to Danny’s insurance payout and would use that money to buy the car. How the hell would they do that without Danny’s knowledge?

  3. How the hell did they manage to get Bullet into the backyard (or any of the ridiculous things that will eventually end up there… i.e. cement truck)?? As it’s clear to see in the opening credits, the full house is on a block jam-packed with houses. If they’re not all attached houses, they’re pretty damn close. There’s no way a car could fit in between the houses to get around to the backyard. And yet another issue — Why the hell would they even WANT to park the car in the backyard?? “Hey, here’s a nice piece of land with beautiful green grass, let’s drive a car on it!” Dumbasses.

      • A lot of San Francisco houses the garage is really more like a carport – locks in front, but in the back opens straight onto the backyard. I still don’t think a cement truck could get through that garage though.

    • Just found this great site thanks to TWOP..

      1st, re: Danny & wife’s ages when having DJ, yes, it could make sense that he was 19 or 20 when they had her but remember, in future episodes, he & Joey went to college together..no mention of any baby while being part of a frat (episode where they dressed like women to steal moscot).

      2nd, use to live in the bay area; no way could you fit a car, a cement truck or a boat between the houses!

  4. Its scary that Jodie Sweetin (who played Stephanie) just turned 30 about a week ago and in this episode Danny is so worried about turning 30.

  5. I am just trying to figure out what kind of car “Bullet” is exactly. Can anyone answer that, it looks like an Olds but still uncertain and this has been racking my husband’s brain, heck my own brain for a WHILE and now it’s just gotten annoying lol.

  6. Sorry about my unintentional hiatus. Not sure if you’ve been going along with my corrections or not, but I’m happy to keep doing them anyway!

    dumb ass blog –> dumb-ass blog
    how fucked up the situation in –> is
    Danny’s 20′s –> 20s
    The Uncles –> the
    jeep –> Jeep (wouldn’t want to get into copyright trouble, right?)
    the shows opening –> show’s

    • welcome back! i was just going to drop you a line to see where you’d been! i’ve gone along with almost all of the corrections. ive kept the hos as hoes, “the full house” in lowercase letters and haven’t changed the commas to semicolons in the firsts (which i think is a good change but seemed like a pretty tedious undertaking. if fhr is ever published ill definitely change it then). thanks so much for your contribution to full house reviewed! i really appreciate it!

  7. Can we all agree that, if, for some reason, we one day decide to call a used car dealership and offer the first salesman who picks up the phone sticker price for a car–sight unseen–and if that salesman claims that another interested party just beat your offer on the car, we would all just call shenanigans and hang up the phone?

  8. OK so when Danny leaves Joey and Jesse start plotting the party. Why do they have a belly dancer coming to the house AND leaving before any of the guests get there?? They hired a belly dancer for their own pleasure. I can give them a pass though…..2 dudes need some sort of outlet when their lives revolve around doing laundry, changing diapers, playing ballerina and looking at Danny Tanner’s mug all GD day!

  9. Are the bay waters so toxic that the color of a car is changed after a short exposure? Bullet left the Full House red and was returned white. Also, since when are totaled cars taken back to the owner’s home? When my own car was totaled and those of friends, it never graced our driveway again.

    I was also surprised that Jesse referenced a real business, Pep Boys, and not “Seat Cover City” or something stupid like that. However, it is fitting that he went to the worst of all the auto parts chain stores. I’ve never had a good experience with Pep Boys and it is fitting that such a shitty show reference a shitty business.

  10. So Danny has “bullit”, Joey has a “brand new used car” which stephanie drove into the kitchen. jessy has a motorcycle and also a red convertible. And also DJ drives a Ford Taurus for driving license-training. And also they had some sort of van when they go to “bay area tanners in s05e05″.

    That means they have at least 5 cars and 1 motorcycle. But of course, no need for a garage. LOL.

  11. OK so there was some mini Full House marathon on Nick at Nite last night (and not much else on TV, obvs, if I’m watching that shit) and this came on, so obviously I went straight back to this blog to get your take even though I’d read it before. There’s just something about reading it while I’m watching it, ya know?

    I’m turning 33 this year and my first thought was HOLY FUCKING HELL seriously, we’re supposed to believe this guy is 30? Granted I was only 6 when this aired and pretty sure my mom didn’t let me watch Full House until I was older because she thought it was creepy but still. REALLY?! I mean really. 30 going on dead, maybe.

    Also, you didn’t explain it in this post nor did I pay close attention to the episode to figure this out but how exactly did Uncle Jesse get his keys? I live ALONE and I don’t even let my cats near my car keys. When I lived in a co-op Victorian in San Francisco, I slept with my car keys under my pillow lest my weird Belgian roommate come in and try to take them while I’m passed out. I guess Danny trusts these idiots but really. REALLY.

    The only good thing about this episode is the fact that Joey and Jesse are rocking lustrous hair and dad jeans. AND THEN THEY SAID JESSE WAS 24??? GOD, what a joke this show was. Forget the unbelievable San Francisco house and the way they dealt with conflict, that right there just ruined the whole thing for me.

    Anyway, at least you’re here to make it all better, Full House Reviewed.

  12. Ok if your car is totaled, why bring it home? Also, how come anytime there is a car in an episode, it’s in the backyard on the grass? Is there a big enough opening for the car to go onto the grass? Even if there is.. Why park it there? It’s also parked as if it’s on display.. Who’s going to do that with a totaled car? Since they clearly had a garage, they must have had a driveway.. Although I don’t remember ever seeing it. I know there was that 1 comical episode where Joey and Jesse try to repave the driveway or something.. Which somehow is right outside the kitchen window, and essentially leads to nowhere even though they had a garage. Now I’m just confusing myself.
    I haven’t seen this episode in a while, but I’m confused as to how Jesse and Joey paid for this car. Did they take Danny’s insurance money? Were they buying it and then expecting Danny to give them the insurance money? What is going on?!

  13. At least Saget was 31 when they made him 30. Not like a lot of shows where the actor is clearly at least 10 years older than their claimed TV “age”.

  14. There’s literally nothing else on at 5am at work, and they just started showing season one again. My co-worker and I are unable to stand this train wreck of a show without our daily dose of Billy’s words of wisdom. Thank you for making our graveyard shift tolerable. That being said, I can’t believe you let slide the scene where Danny gets a surprise gift at the front door, and it’s a chauffeur. He ACTUALLY says to Jesse and Joey, “You got me a MAN?”

  15. The pose Danny is striking in the second screen grab is not unintentional, he’s locking that door/securing it to the floor.

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